it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
