That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize