gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
