Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
