the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
