I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
