I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
