I have demons in me.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
