Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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