I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
