you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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