no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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