He is an equal opportunity slut.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
