Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
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