you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
