I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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