My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
