I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize