I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
