didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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