Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This house was built for laser tag.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
