he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize