In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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