dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
