I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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