even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
