I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
