There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
