what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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