How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
