If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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