I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
