So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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