It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
