Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
