Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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