This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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