i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
