We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
