i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
