well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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