She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am midnight drunk by noon
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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