Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize