Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
