I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
