Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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