too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
