Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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