Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize