i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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