What did we do last night that was yellow?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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