Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
