um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My life is pants optional.
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