seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
