Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize