I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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