Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
