she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
