she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
