bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
