Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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