So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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