it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
