Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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