Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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