dude i'm inner monologue high
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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