the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
