If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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